He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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