Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
