He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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