why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
