Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
