imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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