I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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