We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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