i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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