Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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