you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
