and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
