Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
