so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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