Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
and you fell through a lawn chair
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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