Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
