Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He did a backflip because drugs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
