Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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