Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
