can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You're like the curious george of whores
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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