If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
