your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
