my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
