I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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