Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize