He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
