I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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