youre lurking in front of me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
