My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
