hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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