Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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