the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
