He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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