Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
