i would punch a child for taco bell
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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