Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
