The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this boner is exhausting
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
