i was born a porn star she said
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize