Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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