Screwed.edu
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
