i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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