i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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