Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
