I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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