I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
