while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
