woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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