just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
