I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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