does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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