Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
