people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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