I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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