you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
