You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
