I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
