I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
