you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
