I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
