You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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