you would pick up someone in the library
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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