The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
