just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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