I smell stomach acid.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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