I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dick very happy bro
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
