Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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