So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
