Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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