So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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