i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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